I Saw Something // Samuel Roy-Bois
An essay response to Austin Clay Willis’ Moving Through Debris
I swear I saw something. It was right there, in front me. Nothing scary, nothing bizarre, I think. More like a form, something that has a presence, a form. It was tall. Not that tall. A bit shorter than that maybe. It was right there. I say a form but that might be misleading. I don’t want to mislead anyone. It was something like a form. I know that’s not really clear. But I swear, I saw it. It had a shape; I can at least affirm that. It had a shape, a boxy shape. I guess that’s a form then. That’s how my friend would describe it, I’m pretty sure. I know what I saw. I know that I was there, at least I can prove that. I took a few pictures, showing the thing in question. The pictures are a little blurry because I was shaking. I’m not a nervous person and I’m not easily scared, but that thing made such an impact on me. I’m telling you it was something, quite something. You know when you enter a building, a large building like a mall, and you feel both like you are simultaneously entering and exiting a place. That’s how it felt. That’s how it felt at first. I could not tell if I was entering a mall or just looking at a landscape. Maybe both things at the same time. I know that I was moving.
It was not like when you go see a movie and you sit down for a couple of hours. You feel comfortable at first, and cozy and all, but after half an hour your legs start feeling heavy. You can’t sit still. You don’t want to move too much otherwise you’ll piss people around you. So you sit still, as still as you can. But your legs, and now your bum too, start feeling numb. Sometimes when the movie is good enough you don’t really care about all this. Say, you go see Being John Malkovich, and it’s a great movie. You can enter the cinema, buy yourself a drink and popcorn, enter the projection room, find yourself a seat, sit down, get comfortable and cozy and all, and even after 30, 45 minutes you won’t feel your body really because the movie is so good and captivating. You are somewhere else completely. You’re not inside your body anymore. Yes, you are, but don’t realize it. You're into that image that is being projected on the massive screen. I mentioned Being John Malkovich, but I could have said There Will Be Blood, or Tár. So, you enter that projection room, but in fact you are entering your own mind. At least that’s what my friend kept saying: “we’re entering our own minds! See you at the end of the movie!” And then the movie starts and you’re somewhere else. I could forget that my legs hurt and just watch the movie for hours. And then the movie ends, the image disappears, and you're back outside of your mind. That’s when the pain and discomfort really start.
Anyway. The thing that I saw was a little like that. Something that you’re in and out of. I’m pretty sure it was a thing. I guess that’s what my friend told me, I think. It could have been something else though.
“Maybe it was an image. It would make sense. Just like when you go see a movie, and you forget about your own body, and that you're not really in your mind anymore.”
Maybe what I saw was more like something flat. Maybe when you enter a mall, or a large building like that, you're not really entering a large building, but walking inside an image. That would make sense. I never feel like I am inside my body when I go to the mall. I feel like I’m just floating around, looking at people around me looking at things. I sure feel much lighter than I feel usually. It’s more like an out-of-body experience. At least this is how my friend would talk about these things. You can go to the mall and feel like you're both inside and outside something. I don’t know why, but I feel sad just thinking about this. That’s ok. When I’m sad I don’t think about the scary thing I saw earlier. I’m telling you, that thing was quite something. Quite scary, unsettling. I say a thing, but it might have been an image, who the hell knows. As my friend says all the time, we don’t know anything anymore. The strange thing is that if what I saw was an image, well then it could have also have been an idea. You know how images are not really there. They’re more like thoughts made out of colors. I’m sure we all can agree on this. Images are just there to make us think about something that isn’t there.
They're not like real things that make us uncomfortable, like a movie theater seat. Every time I go to the movie theater my legs end up hurting! Images don’t work like that. They are more like ideas. They are thoughts that you can see. I think that my friend would agree with me on this.
“ Maybe that’s all I saw. Maybe there was nothing but an image and I felt like I was seeing something real. Who knows. I got scared though.”
Not crazy scared, but it got me shaking that’s for sure. Images can do that to you, I guess. Things don’t do that to you. They don’t scare you, but they can hurt you. I’m pretty sure I’m right about this! The reason why I thought that it was a thing is because I was walking, my body was moving. But that doesn’t mean anything. Images are just like thoughts, and you can have the feeling of moving just by thinking about it. I can close my eyes and feel like I’m running around the neighborhood streets and all. I can close my eyes and feel like I’m going down the hill on my snowboard. I’m sure that my friend would say the same. I can feel like I’m moving through space. The wind on my face. It feels real. Not like an image even though we know that images are like thoughts, too. I can see myself in my mind walking through the mall. My friend and I like to walk through that part of the mall that is being renovated. When they renovate parts of the mall, they usually board up the windows with plywood, and there’s plastic everywhere.
You can easily go from a normal part of the mall, with bright windows and shiny things, and enter this section that is being renovated, covered with plywood, plastic and with dimmed light. Nothing to see. It’s like going on a trip for a minute. You’re there, but you’re not totally there anymore. And then after a while you reach that other part of the mall that is normal, with all the lights and people looking at thing. I never feel like myself when I’m walking through the mall though. I feel like I’m just floating around, not really in my body. My friend mentioned feeling the same once. My friend said that when feeling like that, the painting that Chagall did came to mind. The painting with some characters floating around in the sky, my friend said. There are houses down below, and the characters are up there, floating above everything.
“But I know for a fact that paintings are not really like images. Paintings are more like things because you can touch them. You can touch an image too, I guess, but not always. Images are more like thoughts, and paintings are more like things. Paintings are more like buildings.”
Not like malls, but more like mid-rises, or maybe castles. Paintings are like castles because you can touch them and have the feeling of entering into them with your whole body for a while. Not like images. Maybe what I saw was more like a painting. Maybe it was a painting because I could walk around and feel my body. You don’t feel like that when you look at images, because images are more like thoughts, but you feel like that when you look at a painting. You feel your body, too. I know that there was something there. Not just ideas and thoughts but something real. I think my friend saw it too. You can’t deny that I’m sure of what I saw. That’s what I believe, at least. You can’t do anything against one’s beliefs. If I think that I believe something, you can’t deny it.
Originally from Quebec City, Samuel Roy-Bois is currently residing in Vancouver. He acquired his BFA from Université Laval in Quebec (1996) and a Masters Degree in Fine Arts from Concordia University in Montréal (2001). His installations have been shown across Canada and internationally; his solo exhibitions include Polarizer, Southern Alberta Art Gallery, 2009, Let us, then, be up an doing..., Contemporary Art Gallery, Vancouver, 2008; Divertissements, Point éphémère, Paris, 2007; Improbable and ridiculous, Musée d’art contemporain de Montréal, 2006; J'ai entendu un bruit, je me suis sauvé, Or Gallery, Vancouver, 2003.
For more information about Roy-Bois, visit his website.